Have you ever been sure you were over someone—until you caught yourself stalking their Instagram yet again? It’s an old story, and I’ve lived it: the idea that we can move on with a half-hearted shrug and a tub of ice cream, only to find ourselves repeating the same anxious rituals that keep us stuck.
Breakups can be tricky, but they’re not meant to be permanent emotional prisons. I’m here to shine some light on the habits that hold us back from the fresh start we all deserve.
In the spirit of Never Liked It Anyway, I’m all about proactive and positive change. If you’re tired of feeling like you’re dragging baggage around, let’s talk about those seven sneaky mistakes that turn a split into a stalemate. I’ll share my own mishaps too—trust me, I’ve made them all. Ready? Let’s dive in.
1. Trying to get closure in all the wrong ways
First on the list is that endless search for “closure.” I once spent months thinking I needed just one more conversation to make sense of my ex’s reasons for leaving.
Spoiler alert: I never felt fully satisfied with his explanations, no matter how many times we talked it out. I’d go in circles, replaying each sentence for hidden meaning.
The truth is, closure often comes from accepting there may not be a clear answer. Like Brene Brown once said, “Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” In this case, it means showing up for yourself, acknowledging what happened, and resisting the urge to chase an explanation.
If you keep poking at the wound by trying to get the “right” apology or the “perfect” sign the relationship is finished, you’re just reopening the hurt. Set a boundary with yourself. Maybe that means not texting your ex “for clarity.”
Maybe it’s refusing to click on that old chat thread. The only closure you truly need is recognizing the relationship is over and deciding to heal—even if you’re healing in the dark a bit.
2. Incessantly checking their social media
This one is tough. Believe me, I know the draw of a quick, sneaky peek at an ex’s updates. But it can feel like a rollercoaster of mixed emotions—one snapshot of them smiling with friends and you tumble into gloom. Or, worse, you see them with someone new, and your mind goes into overdrive with all kinds of dramatic scenarios.
When you linger on their social media, you’re basically feeding the same heartbreak loop. Each time I checked my ex’s profiles, I’d imagine they were happier than they’d ever been. It was like a reality show with no resolution, and I was hate-watching every episode.
If you’re looking for proof they miss you, you’re likely to distort any little post into a sign. If you want evidence they don’t care, you’ll find that too. Either way, you’re fueling the obsession.
My recommendation? Block, mute, or do whatever it takes to wean yourself off that feed. Your mental space deserves freedom from mindless scrolling over a past that’s not serving you anymore.
3. Holding onto relationship memorabilia
If your drawers are stuffed with old love letters or your closet is hiding that hoodie you claimed because it smelled like them, you’re not exactly prepping for a clean break.
I’m not saying you should toss everything in a bonfire (unless that’s your style, then have marshmallows ready). But do you really need to hold onto every memento? Possibly not.
I’m a huge supporter of the concept behind Never Liked It Anyway—turning items tied to past relationships into a catalyst for a fresh start. Selling or giving them away can be a powerful way to move forward. After all, staring at that stack of postcards your ex sent is kind of like pressing the pause button on your progress.
Every time you see them, the heartbreak chemicals flood in, reminding you of what you lost instead of what you’ve gained. Think about physically freeing up space—both in your home and in your head. It might feel a little scary, but it can be the final nudge you need to move on with less regret.
4. Overanalyzing every memory, message, and meeting
I once dedicated far too many nights to reading old texts, looking for “clues” about what I could have done differently. It was like being a detective on a never-ending case.
As Tony Robbins puts it, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” So if you’re constantly focusing on every tiny detail of the breakup or the relationship itself, your energy is going straight into that pit of overanalysis.
Memories are funny; they change shape depending on your emotional lens. One day, you might see that trip to the beach as proof of how perfect you two were. Another day, you’ll notice the moment your ex snapped at you and spiral into anger.
Overthinking doesn’t guarantee clarity. It usually just guarantees more confusion. Instead of dissecting each memory, try focusing on the lessons you can carry forward into future relationships. Ask yourself: How can I be a better partner next time around? That’s the kind of analysis that moves you forward.
5. Comparing every potential new relationship to your past one
After a breakup, it’s so easy to see a new person through the lens of your ex. If your ex was a foodie, you might secretly judge a date who’s into takeout pizza and Netflix nights. Or you expect the same cute texts your ex used to send and then get disappointed when your new interest does things differently.
I get it—it’s natural to measure new experiences against what you had before. But that’s a recipe for perpetual dissatisfaction. People are unique, and so are relationships. If your ex was a puzzle piece that didn’t fit, why keep searching for that same shape? I still recall my first few coffee dates post-breakup.
I’d catch myself saying, “But my ex used to do it this way.” I had to remind myself that I wasn’t looking to recreate the past. I needed something new that aligned with the person I was becoming. A new person’s strengths might be the very things your ex was missing. Embrace what’s different, and give them room to be themselves.
6. Downplaying your emotions and bottling up your feelings
I’ve always prided myself on being a strong individual, but it turned out that ignoring my sadness and anger kept me stuck in heartbreak-land much longer than necessary.
Let’s be real: breakups aren’t a cakewalk. If you keep telling yourself it’s no big deal, you’re probably stuffing down the pain until it bursts out unexpectedly—like tearing up in the middle of a supermarket aisle because you spotted your ex’s favorite cereal.
Susan Cain, known for her work on introversion, emphasizes the importance of embracing your quieter emotions. While she mainly talks about personality, I’ve taken her words to mean that sadness has its own valid space in our lives. It doesn’t make you weak to mourn what you’ve lost.
So let yourself feel the sting—journal, talk to friends, or have a good, cleansing cry in the privacy of your bedroom. By acknowledging your hurt, you give yourself permission to heal. It’s like lancing a wound so it doesn’t get infected with resentment or denial.
7. Holding onto the belief that you can’t be happy without them
I saved this for last because it’s arguably the most crucial mistake. It can be surprisingly easy to get so wrapped up in a relationship that you forget who you are without it.
Then, when it ends, you feel like you’re missing a huge chunk of yourself—like your happiness was entirely locked up in this other person. I used to say things like, “He was my world,” which might sound romantic but is pretty unhealthy when you think about it.
One of the hardest truths is realizing that someone can be a big part of your life, but they shouldn’t define your capacity for joy. Yes, you shared memories and inside jokes, but your identity is bigger than any relationship. Your favorite hobbies, your goals, your unique quirks—those are still with you.
There’s nothing wrong with missing someone deeply; it shows you cared. But believing you’ll never find happiness again is a slippery slope toward despair. It took me a while to recognize that I could rebuild a life that felt full and satisfying, without needing my ex to validate it.
Once I reclaimed my own sense of identity, the sting of the breakup started to fade.
Final thoughts
Breakups are messy and can feel like the worst thing in the world—until they become your springboard for growth.
If you keep re-checking an ex’s profile or hoarding their old stuff, you’re basically pressing pause on your future. Take a cue from Never Liked It Anyway: find closure by stepping out of your old story and letting yourself dream a new one.
I won’t pretend it’s easy; heartbreak is complicated. But if you can dodge these seven pitfalls, you’ll set yourself on a path that feels lighter, healthier, and actually exciting. After all, an ending is just the beginning of your next adventure. Trust me, it can be one of the best you ever have.
