It’s the most wonderful time of the year…office holiday party time! Now you get to see the douchebags you work with everyday, only slightly creepier and way more inebriated (unless you have a “Bob” in the office who keeps a flask of whiskey at his desk). Here are five of the guys you’re bound to run into at your holiday party (odds go up the bigger your company—maybe you’ll see multiples of these dudes).
Touchy Feely Back Massage Guy
It’s bad enough that he touches your shoulder as much as possible while at the office, but now that he has an excuse to inappropriately compliment you on your sparkly holiday attire and have a glass of bourbon in his hand, this guy is the absolute worst. Just hang around the people from HR and hope for the best.
Karaoke Guy
This guy always wants to go to karaoke after the party. Bar hopping, too many beers, and way too loud. This guy can’t accept when the party is over and people want to leave and go out with their other friends or go home to their family. Hell, this guy is trying to stay away from his family. Don’t give in. Or maybe too. This guy is pure entertainment, and everyone will be talking about the outing at the office on Monday.
Shots! Shots! Shots! Guy
This one just can’t drink responsibly. It’s probably the first time he’s gone out without his kids in months so he’s taking full advantage. Don’t worry, his wife will keep control and watch her Chardonnay intake so she’s able to drive him home when he inevitably passes out an hour into the open bar.
Passed Out Guy
This guy may be one in the same with the shots guy, or perhaps he’s not a big drinker or is just old and not too involved with the mingling. He just straight up is passed out in his chair at a banquet table or corner stool at the bar. Just like he is at work everyday as well.
Shy, Work-Crush, Are You Ever Gonna Make a Move Guy
Almost worst of all is your work crush that you flirt with everyday and is flirting with you more now and it’s technically outside of the work place so you try to get him to continue the party at other places afterward and he does but you still don’t end up making out. Ugh, what gives?! Guess you’ll have to wait until the summer picnic…