Dating can be an exciting, yet tricky territory to navigate. Especially when it comes to first dates with a guy.
The key lies in observation. It’s about knowing what to look out for, the subtle signs that might suggest he’s not as great as he appears.
We’re talking about red flags. Those small cues that hint at deeper issues that could make him less than ideal.
This isn’t about judging someone too quickly, but rather being smart and aware as you delve into the dating world.
So let’s dive into the “10 red flags to watch out for on a first date with a guy”. Because, let’s face it, no one wants to waste their time on Mr. Wrong.
1) He’s excessively late
We all understand that life happens, but consistently showing up late, especially on a first date, can be a red flag.
Yes, traffic can be unpredictable and emergencies do arise. However, someone who truly respects your time will make it a point to arrive on time or at least inform you if they’re running late.
If he’s running significantly late without any explanation or apology, it might signal a lack of respect for your time.
Now, we’re not suggesting you write him off immediately if he’s late once. But if it becomes a pattern, you might want to take note.
After all, respect is a key component of any relationship. And a lack of it can spell trouble down the line.
2) He doesn’t ask about you
I once went on a date with a guy who talked about himself the entire time. I mean, I learned everything from his favorite food to his childhood pet’s name. But he never once asked about me.
That’s a pretty big red flag. A first date is supposed to be a chance for both of you to get to know each other. And that involves give and take.
If he’s only interested in talking about himself and doesn’t show any interest in getting to know you, it might suggest that he’s self-centered or not really interested in a relationship.
You’re looking for someone who’s interested in you as a person, not just as an audience for their stories.
3) He’s rude to service staff
This is a well-known red flag. How your date treats service staff can say a lot about his character.
The Waiter Rule, coined by Raytheon CEO William Swanson, states that how a person treats their inferiors, especially waiters and service staff, speaks volumes about their character.
If he’s dismissive, impatient or downright rude to the waiter, it shows a lack of empathy and respect for others. This could very well be how he might treat you or others in his life down the line.
First dates are often about showing our best selves. If his best self involves being disrespectful to those around him, it’s worth questioning if this is someone you want to be with.
4) He’s overly controlling
On a first date, it’s normal for both parties to make suggestions on where to go or what to do. But if he insists on making all the decisions and doesn’t take your preferences into account, it could be a sign of a controlling nature.
For instance, if he orders food for you without asking for your preference or decides what you’ll do after dinner without consulting you, it’s a cause for concern.
A healthy relationship involves mutual respect and decision-making. If he’s not considering your opinions now, it might only get worse as the relationship progresses.
5) He’s constantly on his phone
We live in a digital age, and it’s natural for us to be connected to our devices. But there’s a time and place for everything, and a first date is not the time to be glued to a screen.
If your date spends more time scrolling through his phone than engaging with you, it could suggest a lack of interest or respect. It might also hint at poor social skills or an inability to be present in the moment.
Sure, there might be pressing matters that need his attention. But if his phone is more interesting than getting to know you, it’s worth considering if he’s really invested in the date or potential relationship.
6) He talks about his exes negatively
We all have a past, and that often includes previous relationships. But when it comes to a first date, how a guy talks about his exes can be telling.
If he speaks about them with disrespect or bitterness, it might suggest unresolved issues or an inability to take responsibility for his part in past relationship failures.
Everyone deserves someone who can respect their past and the lessons learned from it. If he’s spending your first date badmouthing his exes, you could be the next target of his negative talk in the future.
Compassion and understanding are key pillars of any successful relationship. Be mindful of how he treats the memory of people who were once important in his life.
7) He doesn’t respect your boundaries
Once, I had a date with a guy who couldn’t take no for an answer. He kept pushing for me to have another drink, even after I’d clearly stated that I had reached my limit.
Respecting boundaries is crucial in any interaction, especially on a first date. If he’s insistent on pushing past your comfort zone, it could be indicative of a lack of respect for your personal boundaries.
Whether it’s about physical touch, alcohol consumption, or revealing personal information, your date should respect your limits. If he doesn’t, it could be a red flag signaling potential issues with consent and respect in the future.
8) He agrees with everything you say
At first glance, having a date who agrees with all your opinions might seem like a dream come true. But hold on.
We all have our unique thoughts and perspectives. If he nods along to every single thing you say, without offering his own opinion, it might suggest that he’s not being completely genuine.
It’s important to remember that healthy relationships thrive on honest conversation and sometimes even respectful disagreements. If he’s mirroring all your viewpoints, it could mean he’s trying too hard to impress or he’s not comfortable being himself around you.
Look for authenticity, even if it means you won’t agree on every topic. That’s what makes conversations interesting and relationships rich.
9) He’s too secretive
A little mystery can be intriguing. But if your date is evasive about basic personal information or avoids answering simple questions about his life, it might be a red flag.
For instance, if he’s vague about his job, avoids discussing his family or friends, or changes the subject when you ask about his past, he might be hiding something.
Openness and honesty are fundamental to building trust in any relationship. If he’s overly secretive from the get-go, it could indicate potential trust issues in the future.
Keep an eye out for transparency. It’s okay not to spill your entire life story on the first date, but it’s also important to be open and honest.
10) He makes you feel uncomfortable
This is perhaps the most important red flag of all. If you feel uncomfortable or uneasy at any point during the date, trust your instincts.
Whether it’s the way he looks at you, the comments he makes, or just a gut feeling you can’t shake off – remember, your feelings are valid.
You should never ignore your intuition. If something feels off, it probably is. Your comfort and safety should always come first.
Trust your intuition
Navigating the dating world can be complex and confusing, but it’s essential to remember that you’re in control.
These red flags are not definitive proof that someone is not right for you, but they are signals to pay attention to.
The most crucial red flag is your own discomfort. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instinct.
Psychologist and author Dr. Judith Orloff once said, “Intuition is the GPS of the soul.” It’s there to guide us when logic and reason aren’t enough.
The dating journey is as much about discovering others as it is about discovering yourself. Trusting your instincts and understanding what makes you feel comfortable and safe is an integral part of this journey.
Remember, it’s okay to walk away from a date or a potential relationship if it doesn’t feel right. Your well-being and happiness should always come first.
