Breakups can be tough, and moving on can sometimes seem impossible, especially when an ex keeps reaching out.
Why do they do that? Well, there could be a multitude of reasons.
In fact, I’ve narrowed it down to 10 common reasons that some exes can’t seem to cut the cord.
They might be trying to keep you from moving on, but understanding their motives can help you take control of the situation.
1) They’re struggling with the breakup
Breakups aren’t a walk in the park, even for the person who initiated it.
Sometimes, an ex reaches out simply because they’re having a tough time dealing with the end of the relationship.
It might not be about you per se, but more about their inability to fully process and accept the reality of the situation.
They might find comfort in talking to you, or perhaps they’re trying to lessen their guilt by checking up on you.
Whatever the case, this can often make it harder for you to move on.
Everyone has their own pace when it comes to healing from a breakup.
Just because they’re reaching out doesn’t mean you’re obligated to respond or engage.
You’re allowed to prioritize your own healing process.
2) They miss the familiarity
In my own experience, I’ve found that a breakup can often feel like losing a part of your routine.
There was this one time when an ex-boyfriend of mine reached out after we had been apart for months.
At first, I was confused.
Why would he call out of the blue?
But as we spoke, I began to see that he wasn’t necessarily interested in getting back together.
Instead, he seemed to miss the familiarity and comfort our relationship had offered.
He mentioned missing our late-night conversations and how we used to order takeout from our favorite
Chinese restaurant every Friday night.
It wasn’t about reigniting the flame but rather about missing the comfort zone that had been disrupted by our breakup.
This can be a tricky situation to navigate because it’s easy to mistake this longing for familiarity as a sign of wanting to get back together.
But familiar doesn’t necessarily mean right or healthy for you.
3) They’re trying to maintain control
In some cases, an ex might reach out to keep you from moving on as a way of maintaining control.
This is especially true if the relationship was characterized by power imbalances or manipulative behavior.
Psychologists have found that people who exhibit controlling behavior often do so out of a deep-seated fear of abandonment or rejection.
By keeping you within their reach, they are essentially trying to manage their own insecurities and fears.
It’s important to recognize this behavior for what it is and to take steps to protect your emotional well-being.
You deserve a relationship that’s built on mutual respect and equality, not control.
4) They’re seeking validation
One of the other reasons an ex might reach out is to seek validation.
This often happens when they’re feeling insecure or doubtful about their worth, and reaching out to you – someone who once cared for them deeply – can temporarily boost their self-esteem.
They might try to evoke a reaction from you, like a compliment or even just a response, to validate their worth.
5) They want to rekindle the relationship
Sometimes, the reason an ex keeps reaching out is because they genuinely want to give the relationship another shot.
Perhaps they’ve had time to reflect on what went wrong and believe that things can be different this time around.
While this isn’t necessarily a negative thing, it’s crucial to tread carefully.
It’s important to ask yourself if getting back together aligns with what you want and need.
Consider whether anything has truly changed since the breakup and if this chance at rekindling the relationship offers a healthy and fulfilling future.
6) They’re trying to make amends
Breakups aren’t always neat, and sometimes they’re accompanied by regrettable words or actions.
An ex may reach out because they’re genuinely sorry for the pain they might have caused and want to make things right.
While it’s a noble thing to apologize and seek forgiveness, it’s also essential to understand that this may stir up old emotions and potentially delay your healing process.
You aren’t obligated to accept their apology or forgiveness immediately, or at all if it doesn’t feel right for you.
Forgiveness is a journey, one that should be navigated at your own pace and on your own terms.
7) They’re experiencing loneliness
After a breakup, nights can get pretty lonely.
The silence can be deafening, and the lack of their presence can feel like a gaping hole.
I remember lying awake on countless nights, staring at the ceiling and missing the comforting sound of my ex’s steady breathing.
Sometimes, an ex might reach out because they’re dealing with these pangs of loneliness.
It’s not so much about you as an individual, but more about missing the companionship and intimacy that comes with being in a relationship.
8) They’re genuinely happy for you
This might seem odd, but sometimes an ex might reach out simply because they’re genuinely happy for you.
Maybe they’ve heard through the grapevine that you’ve landed a great job, started a new relationship, or achieved something significant.
In such cases, their intention isn’t to hinder your progress or pull you back, but to acknowledge your achievements and express their happiness for your success.
It’s a testament to the bond you once shared and doesn’t always have hidden motives.
However, it’s still okay to maintain boundaries if their contact is affecting your ability to move on.
Your well-being should always be the priority.
9) They’re seeking closure
Closure is a tricky thing.
Some people need it to move on, while others are fine without it.
Sometimes, an ex might reach out because they’re seeking closure they didn’t get at the end of your relationship.
Maybe there were things left unsaid, or perhaps they’re still struggling with unanswered questions.
They may be reaching out in hopes of finding answers and putting those lingering doubts to rest.
While it’s entirely up to you whether to engage in this conversation or not, remember that closure comes in different forms for different people.
Sometimes, finding peace within oneself is the best closure one can get.
10) They haven’t let go yet
The most essential thing to understand is that sometimes, exes reach out simply because they haven’t fully let go yet.
The end of a relationship can be a painful process, and it’s not uncommon for people to hold on longer than necessary.
This clinging could manifest as them reaching out or trying to keep you from moving on.
It’s more about their inability to move forward rather than a reflection of your progress.
You’re not responsible for their healing.
Your focus should be on your own journey towards recovery and growth.
Healing is a personal journey
Navigating the aftermath of a breakup can be a challenging and emotional journey.
Especially when an ex keeps reaching out, it’s easy to feel stuck in a loop, unable to move forward.
Yet, it’s crucial to remember that healing is a personal journey, and everyone’s path looks different.
It’s not a linear process; there will be ups and downs, moments of strength and moments of weakness.
The reasons for an ex reaching out can vary greatly – from their own struggles with the breakup, seeking validation, to genuinely wanting to make amends.
Understanding their motives can help you gain perspective and maintain control over your emotional well-being.
But at the end of the day, remember this: Your feelings are valid.
Your healing matters.
And it’s okay to prioritize your journey and create boundaries if needed.
As renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
So give yourself the grace and space needed for growth.
Embrace your journey with all its quirks and turns. It’s okay to take your time.
