Falling for someone you never dated can be a unique kind of heartbreak.
It’s like mourning the loss of something that never really belonged to you.
It’s a tricky situation, but not impossible to navigate.
The process involves acknowledging your feelings, understanding them and then taking conscious steps to move forward.
The journey can be difficult but not insurmountable.
In this article, I’ll share with you 10 healing steps to help you get over someone you never dated.
1) Acknowledgment
Feelings are tricky, aren’t they?
They can often appear without any invitation and leave you baffled.
The first step to healing is acknowledging your feelings.
Pretending you’re not hurting won’t make the pain go away.
It’s crucial to understand that it’s okay to feel the way you do.
You never dated this person, but your feelings for them were real.
And it’s perfectly normal to feel a sense of loss, even if there was no actual relationship.
Denying your emotions will only delay the healing process.
So, take a moment to sit with your feelings and allow yourself to grieve the loss of what could have been.
2) Seek support
I have always been someone who prefers to deal with my problems alone.
When I fell for someone I never dated, I thought I could get over it by myself.
But, it was harder than I expected.
I kept going in circles, overthinking every interaction we had, every glance exchanged.
It was exhausting and emotionally draining.
That’s when I realized, sometimes, it’s okay to lean on others.
I opened up to my closest friends about what I was going through. Their support was invaluable.
They helped me see things from a different perspective and offered me the comfort I needed.
They reminded me that it’s okay to feel and that eventually, things will get better.
You don’t have to go through this alone.
Reach out to your friends or loved ones.
They may not have all the answers but their understanding and support can make the journey a little less painful.
3) Break the idealization cycle
When we have feelings for someone we never dated, it’s easy to get caught up in the cycle of idealization.
We tend to imagine them as perfect, overlooking their flaws and exaggerating their positive traits.
This can make getting over them even more challenging.
Psychologists call this phenomenon “Positive Illusion”. It’s a cognitive bias where we view the object of our affection in an unrealistically positive light.
Breaking this cycle is crucial.
Start by reminding yourself that nobody is perfect, not even the person you’re trying to get over.
Acknowledge their flaws and remind yourself that they’re human, just like everyone else.
This can help you see them in a more realistic light and make moving on a little easier.
4) Distraction is key
When you’re trying to get over someone, keeping your mind occupied can be incredibly helpful.
It’s easy to find yourself falling into a pit of overthinking and reminiscing.
That’s why distraction is key.
Find activities that you enjoy and immerse yourself in them.
It could be something as simple as reading a book, painting, hiking, or learning a new skill.
The goal here is not to suppress your feelings but to give your mind a break from the constant cycle of thoughts about the person you’re trying to move on from.
It’s okay to give yourself permission to focus on other things.
It doesn’t mean you’re avoiding the issue, it simply means you’re giving yourself the space to heal.
5) Practice self-care
When you’re trying to get over someone, it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself.
But self-care is incredibly important during this healing process.
Take time to do things that make you feel good.
It might be a relaxing bath, a long walk in a park, cooking your favorite meal, or even binge-watching your favorite show.
Healing is not just about emotional recovery, but also about taking care of your physical and mental well-being.
So, prioritize yourself and your needs, because you deserve love and care, especially from yourself.
6) Embrace the journey
Getting over someone you never dated isn’t simply a task to be completed, it’s a journey to be embraced.
It’s a journey of self-discovery, growth, and understanding.
It’s about learning to navigate the tricky terrain of your emotions, and coming out stronger on the other side.
You’ll have good days and bad days.
Days when you feel like you’ve completely moved on, and days when it feels like you’re back at square one.
And that’s okay.
Healing is not linear.
It’s a process filled with ups and downs.
So be patient with yourself.
Embrace the journey and trust in your ability to heal, because you’re stronger than you think.
7) Write it out
I’ve always been a fan of writing.
For me, it’s a form of therapy.
When I was trying to get over someone I never dated, writing became my sanctuary.
I started journaling about my feelings, thoughts, fears, and hopes.
It was a safe space where I could pour out everything that was bottled up inside me.
Surprisingly, seeing my thoughts and feelings on paper made them seem less overwhelming.
It also helped me process what I was going through.
Writing may not be for everyone, but if you’re open to it, give it a try.
It doesn’t have to be anything formal or structured.
Just let your feelings flow and see where it takes you.
8) Allow yourself to feel
It might seem like the best way to get over someone is to suppress your feelings, to push them down and ignore them.
But quite the opposite is true.
Feelings are not meant to be suppressed.
They’re meant to be felt, understood, and processed.
Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a natural response to pain.
So if you feel like crying, let it out.
If you’re angry, let yourself feel that anger.
By allowing yourself to feel, you’re giving your emotions the space they need to exist.
And with time, they will start to fade away, leaving you stronger and more resilient than before.
9) Find closure
Closure is a tricky concept, especially when you’ve never been in an actual relationship with the person.
But it’s an important part of the healing process.
It can come in different forms for different people.
It could be a conversation you have with them or a letter you write but never send.
It could even be a personal realization that you have on your own.
The point is to find a way to say goodbye to the feelings and the potential future you imagined with them.
This doesn’t mean you have to forget them entirely, but rather that you’re ready to move forward without them.
10) Believe in your strength
The most important thing to remember when trying to get over someone you never dated is to believe in your strength.
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by your emotions, but always remember that you have the ability to overcome them.
You’re stronger than you think.
You’ve been through tough times before, and you’ve come out on top.
This is no different.
Believe in your resilience, your courage, and your ability to heal.
Because at the end of the day, the most powerful healing tool you have is yourself.
Final thoughts
Navigating the emotional terrain of unrequited love can be a daunting journey.
However, it’s important to remember that feelings are not facts, and they are not permanent.
Our emotions can be incredibly powerful, but they are also transient.
One moment they’re all-consuming, the next they’ve faded into the background.
This impermanence is a fundamental part of human existence, beautifully captured by the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus when he said, “No man ever steps in the same river twice.”
Just as a river continually flows and changes, so too do our emotions.
The pain you’re feeling now will not last forever.
It will change and evolve, and one day it will simply be a chapter in your story.
Remember, it’s okay to grieve for what could have been, but don’t let it cloud the possibilities of what could still be.
You have the strength to move forward and find happiness again.
Because at the end of the day, the most profound relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself.
