It’s been almost a year since, but I hope this benefits someone.
It was a long distance relationship all through, we were together for almost a year then. He was moving to my country very soon, within almost a month. Things had already been going down hill for us, he did some fake-ups a couple of times before this, and I had caught him showing a lot of interest in another girl, doing the things with her he’d initially done to catch my attention in the beginning.
I called him out on it, and he explained himself, and I wasn’t at all convinced, but I let it go, I was still at a point of wanting to make things work especially since he was moving to my country, and I wanted to see how things went anyway. Besides, we all know it’s not easy to be the one that initiates a break-up. But I sold myself short in doing so, and my first advice to you is to never ever do that, not for anyone, not for anything, ever. You deserve emotional security and comfort in a relationship.
Moving along.
One day, during the FIFA World Cup matches in 2014, I was depressed and needed a bit of change so I decided to watch the matches in a _family_restaurant_. As I was telling him this, he told me not to because “it’s not a fit environment for girls”. Key word: family restaurant. We discussed this and I tried to clarify and assure him, he didn’t listen. Over and above, it’s insulting to me that he doesn’t understand something so basic and obvious about me, that I’m not someone that would feel comfortable in a bad setting anyway, hence, again, “family restaurant”. Anyway, I refused to doubt myself or to listen to him, I know when someone is being unreasonable, and I respect myself enough to set the limits of my own comfort and not to pass them. I went, told him that I’d go, and he broke up with me. He just said that’s it, goodbye. I assumed it was a fake-up from how ridiculous it was. Later that night, it was past midnight and no signs of him at all. I called him by accident, he called me back and we talked and he said it’s over. It was more complicated than what I remember, but I’d like to think I told him clearly that I know I did nothing wrong, and good riddance.
Ladies, and gentlemen, never let anyone dictate your boundaries nor control them through your relationship. That sort of thing is called emotional abuse. You set your boundaries, they respect and understand them. The most they’re allowed is to discuss and understand them with you, and to accept, if not love you for them. Unless both of you are on the same page in these things, lots of issues will arise over and over.
And if you have a feeling that something about them is fishy, if your gut instinct is screaming at you that something is wrong, TRUST IT. Your gut instincts are real, you _can_ sense things on an unconscious level. Look up “adaptive unconscious”. More importantly, surround yourself with people who know and love you very much, they will support you like nothing else.
May your future be bright with the lessons you’ve learned.
