Feeling perpetually drained in your relationship? You’re not alone. It’s a more common experience than you might think, and often, it’s the result of some common pitfalls.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Relationships are work. They require effort, compromise, and commitment. But they shouldn’t leave you feeling consistently exhausted.
What if I told you that there are seven common mistakes that could be causing this emotional drain? Mistakes that most of us make without even realizing it, all in the name of love.
As a seasoned relationship expert and founder of the Love Connection blog, I’ve seen these patterns time and time again. And trust me, they’re fixable.
1) You’re not setting boundaries
Boundaries are essential in any relationship. They’re what keep us grounded, and they define what we’re comfortable with and what we’re not.
Yet, many of us seem to forget their importance when it comes to our relationships. We let things slide, put up with behaviors we wouldn’t normally tolerate, all in the name of love.
But here’s the thing. When we don’t set boundaries, we open ourselves up to emotional drain. We become susceptible to feeling used, taken advantage of, or just downright exhausted.
It’s not about being selfish or unkind. It’s about respecting your own needs as much as you respect your partner’s.
2) You’re trying to fix your partner
You might think that the best way to improve your relationship is to change your partner. After all, if they could just stop doing that one thing, everything would be perfect, right?
As counterintuitive as it may seem, this mindset is often a mistake.
Believe it or not, trying to “fix” your partner can lead to exhaustion and frustration. It’s not your job to change them. Each person comes with their own set of strengths and weaknesses, their own quirks and habits – it’s what makes them unique.
Instead of getting drained trying to mold them into someone else, embrace who they are. Acceptance doesn’t mean you put up with harmful or unhealthy behavior. It means understanding that your partner is a separate individual with their own journey.
Focus on expressing how their actions make you feel rather than what they should or shouldn’t do. It’s more likely to lead to understanding and compromise, without costing you your energy and sanity.
3) You’re codependent, not interdependent
Codependency can be a sneaky little devil, creeping into our relationships without us even realizing it.
It’s when we become so entwined with our partner that we lose our sense of self. Our happiness becomes dependent on their mood, their approval, their decisions.
And let me tell you from personal experience, it’s a one-way ticket to feeling drained.
Interdependence, on the other hand, is when two independent individuals choose to share their lives while still maintaining their individual identities. It’s healthy, it’s balanced, and trust me – it’s far less exhausting.
If you’re feeling constantly depleted in your relationship, it might be time to assess whether codependency has snuck in. Don’t worry if it has – I’ve seen it happen to the best of us. And there are ways to break free from its chains.
In fact, I cover this topic in depth in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
But for now, start by asking yourself – are you maintaining your individuality in your relationship? Or have you lost yourself somewhere along the way?
4) You’re neglecting self-care
Now, this might sound a bit cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Self-care is not just about spa days or bubble baths. It’s about taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It’s about setting aside time for activities that recharge you, that make you feel alive and fulfilled.
If you’re always feeling drained in your relationship, take a moment to evaluate your self-care routine. Are you prioritizing yourself as much as you are your partner?
I learned this the hard way. There was a time in my life when I was so wrapped up in my relationship that I forgot to take care of myself. And I paid the price.
As Audrey Hepburn said, “As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”
Let’s not forget the importance of the first hand in our quest to love and support our partners.
5) You’re not communicating effectively
Ah, communication. It’s the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. But it’s also one of the most challenging aspects to get right. Trust me, I’ve been there.
If you’re feeling drained, chances are, there’s a communication breakdown somewhere. Maybe you’re not expressing your needs clearly. Maybe you’re not listening effectively when your partner expresses theirs.
Or maybe, like I once did, you’re keeping things bottled up, hoping they’ll resolve themselves. Spoiler alert: they usually don’t.
Effective communication is about more than just talking. It’s about being open, honest, and respectful. It’s about listening to understand, not just to respond.
So take a moment to reflect on your communication habits.
Are they serving your relationship? Or are they leaving you feeling drained and unheard? It could be time for a heart-to-heart chat.
6) You’re forgetting the joy
Relationships can be hard work. I know, I’ve been there. But amidst all the effort, the compromises and the tough conversations, it’s important not to lose sight of the joy. The joy that made you choose this person to begin with.
As Helen Keller wisely said, “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.”
Are you still feeling those beautiful things? Are you still laughing together, sharing moments of pure joy and happiness? Or has your relationship become more of a chore than a source of delight?
If you’re feeling drained, it might be time to inject some fun back into your relationship. Go on a date. Do something spontaneous. Remember why you fell in love in the first place.
And remember – relationships should add value to your life, not drain your energy. If you need more guidance or simply want to stay updated on my latest articles, feel free to follow me on Facebook. I’m always here to help you navigate the path to love and happiness.
7) You’re not being true to yourself
This is a tough one. A really tough one. But if you’re constantly feeling drained in your relationship, it might be time to ask yourself: Are you being true to yourself?
Are you pretending to enjoy things you don’t? Are you constantly suppressing your feelings to avoid conflict? Are you letting go of your dreams and aspirations for the sake of your relationship?
I’ve been there. It’s a hard place to be. But here’s the thing – a relationship should not require you to lose yourself. It should not ask you to be someone you’re not.
Being true to yourself in a relationship is not just about honesty with your partner, but also honesty with yourself. It’s about recognizing your needs, your desires, and your worth.
It’s raw, it’s scary, but it’s vital for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. So take a deep breath, look within, and start being true to you.
The journey to a nourishing relationship
The journey to a nourishing and fulfilling relationship is rarely a smooth one. There are bumps, twists, and turns that can leave you feeling drained and exhausted. But remember, it’s these very challenges that hold the potential for growth and deeper connection.
All the points we’ve covered are part of the journey.
As we navigate this journey, it’s crucial to remember that every relationship is unique. What works for one might not work for another. It’s about finding your own rhythm, your own balance. And sometimes, that involves making mistakes.
I believe Justin Brown’s video on the illusion of happiness is a great resource to further explore this idea. He challenges the common belief that pursuing happiness is the key to a fulfilling life, arguing that true contentment comes from within, by embracing life’s challenges, fostering meaningful relationships, and staying true to oneself.
It’s an insightful watch that beautifully complements what we’ve discussed in this article.
