If you want to set healthy boundaries in your relationship, avoid these 8 controlling behaviors

Setting boundaries in a relationship is not about control, it’s about respect.

And there’s a world of difference between the two.

Respectful boundaries are about understanding and honoring your partner’s needs and feelings.

Controlling behaviors, on the other hand, can suffocate your partner and infringe on their personal freedom.

If you’re truly aiming for a healthy relationship, you need to steer clear of these controlling behaviors.

Here are eight such behaviors to avoid in order to establish healthy boundaries in your relationship.

1) Don’t dictate their choices

We all value our freedom to choose.

It’s a fundamental part of being human.

In a relationship, it’s crucial to respect your partner’s right to make their own decisions.

This includes everything from their choice of clothing, to their friendships, to their career path.

Controlling relationships often involve one person dictating the other’s choices, leaving them feeling powerless and suffocated.

Think about it.

Would you appreciate someone constantly telling you what to do, what to wear or who to hang out with?

Probably not.

So if you want a healthy relationship with balanced boundaries, it’s important to avoid imposing your personal preferences or beliefs on your partner.

2) Avoiding constant monitoring

Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and constant monitoring of your partner’s activities can erode that trust rapidly.

In my personal experience, I’ve learned this the hard way.

Early in my relationship with my now-husband, I found myself constantly checking up on him.

I’d ask who he was texting, where he was going, and what he was doing.

It seemed harmless to me at first, but it quickly became a source of tension between us.

He felt like I didn’t trust him and it was suffocating him.

After an open and honest conversation, I realized that my behavior was actually a control mechanism, not a sign of care or concern as I had convinced myself.

Now, I’ve learned to trust him and give him his space.

It’s made our relationship stronger and more loving.

Constant monitoring isn’t a sign of love or concern.

Rather, it’s a controlling behavior that can damage your relationship. 

3) Letting go of the need to be always right

In a relationship, you’re bound to face disagreements and conflicts.

That’s just the nature of two individuals with their own unique perspectives coming together.

However, insisting on having the last word or proving yourself right in every argument doesn’t foster a healthy relationship.

Instead, it creates a power dynamic where one person dominates, leaving the other feeling unheard and invalidated.

Couples who are able to accept their partners’ perspectives during disagreements, rather than insisting on proving themselves right, have healthier and more satisfying relationships.

Hence, it’s crucial to prioritize understanding and empathy over ‘winning’ an argument.

Let go of the need to be always right and embrace a more balanced approach to disagreements.

It’s not about who’s right or wrong, but about mutual respect and understanding.

4) Respecting personal space

Personal space is sacred, and everyone has a different level of need for it.

Some people need more alone time than others to recharge and feel balanced.

In a relationship, it’s important to respect your partner’s need for personal space, even if it’s different from yours.

Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be together every single moment.

Trying to invade or limit your partner’s personal space can come across as controlling.

It might make them feel suffocated or trapped, which is not conducive to a healthy relationship.

5) Letting go of jealousy

Jealousy can be a natural emotion, but when it becomes overwhelming, it can lead to controlling behavior.

Picture this: your partner is interacting with someone you don’t know, perhaps an old friend or a new colleague.

You feel a pang of jealousy.

It’s easy to let this emotion take control, leading you to act out or demand that your partner limit their interactions with this person.

But ask yourself: is this fair?

Is it fair to ask your partner to change their behavior, based on an emotion you’re feeling?

The truth is, jealousy often stems from our own insecurities.

And while it’s natural to feel this way sometimes, letting jealousy dictate your actions can create an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship.

Love isn’t about possession.

It’s about wanting the best for your partner and trusting them.

6) Avoiding guilt trips

Guilt is a powerful emotion, and it’s easy to use it as a tool to get what we want.

I remember a time when I would use guilt to try and sway my partner’s decisions.

If they wanted to spend time with friends instead of me, I would sulk or make comments about feeling neglected.

But over time, I realized this wasn’t fair.

My partner had every right to spend time with others without feeling guilty about it.

My actions were affecting our relationship negatively and creating unnecessary tension.

Using guilt trips as a means of control isn’t healthy or respectful.

It’s important to express your feelings openly and honestly, without resorting to emotional manipulation. 

7) Refraining from constant criticism

No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes.

However, constantly criticizing your partner for their flaws or mistakes can have a negative effect on your relationship.

Continuous criticism can make your partner feel inadequate, unloved, or constantly under pressure to meet impossible standards.

It’s a form of control where one person attempts to make the other change to fit their ideal.

Instead of constant criticism, opt for constructive feedback.

If there’s something that’s bothering you, express it in a way that focuses on the behavior, not the person.

This way, you can address the issue without attacking your partner’s self-esteem.

8) Practicing open communication

The foundation of any healthy relationship is open and honest communication.

If you’re feeling unhappy, anxious, or even just a bit off, it’s vital to communicate these feelings to your partner.

Bottling up your emotions or expecting your partner to read your mind leads to misunderstandings and resentment.

It’s also a form of control, where one person expects the other to adapt without clear communication.

So, practice open communication.

Share your feelings, listen to your partner’s perspective, and find common ground.

It’s not about controlling each other’s feelings, but understanding and supporting them.

It’s all about respect

At the heart of every healthy relationship lies mutual respect.

It’s the cornerstone upon which trust, understanding, and love are built.

When you respect your partner, you inherently avoid controlling behaviors.

You acknowledge their individuality, their autonomy, and their right to make choices independent of your influence.

In essence, setting healthy boundaries isn’t about creating barriers or restrictions.

It’s about fostering an environment of mutual respect where both partners feel valued and heard.

As we navigate our relationships, let’s strive to cultivate this respect.

Let’s celebrate individuality, champion autonomy, and above all, let love be guided by understanding and acceptance.

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