Building stronger relationships isn’t always about doing more—it’s often about doing less.
Specifically, it’s about letting go of certain habits that might be holding you back.
I’ve seen it time and time again in my work as a relationship expert. People often cling to behaviors that feel safe or comfortable, not realizing they’re creating distance in their relationships.
In this article, I’m going to share seven behaviors you need to say goodbye to if you want a richer, more fulfilling connection with the people in your life.
These aren’t just any behaviors—they’re the ones that I’ve found to be the most damaging in my years of experience.
1) Overreliance on digital communication
We live in a digital age, and there’s no denying the convenience and speed of text messages, emails, and social media.
But when it comes to building stronger relationships, they can sometimes do more harm than good.
Digital communication is often impersonal and can easily lead to misunderstandings. Emotions and intentions can get lost in translation without the nuances of tone, facial expressions, and body language.
Moreover, constantly checking your devices can make you seem disinterested or distracted when spending time with others. It creates a barrier that prevents genuine connection.
So if you want to foster deeper relationships, it’s time to cut back on digital communication. Instead, prioritize face-to-face interactions or phone calls where you can fully engage with the other person.
This doesn’t mean cutting out digital communication entirely—just use it wisely. Make sure your digital interactions are enriching your relationships, not detracting from them.
2) Trying to fix everything
It may sound counterintuitive, but one of the behaviors you need to let go of is the urge to fix everything.
When someone shares a problem with you, your first instinct might be to jump in and offer solutions. After all, you’re trying to help, right?
But sometimes, what people really need is not a solution – they just need someone to listen. They want to feel heard, understood, and validated.
By jumping in with solutions, you might unintentionally send the message that their feelings aren’t valid or important. You might make them feel like they’re not capable of handling their own problems.
So instead of always trying to fix things, practice active listening. Validate their feelings. Show empathy. This can help build stronger connections and trust in your relationships.
3) Holding on to codependency
In my years of working with relationships, I’ve noticed a recurring pattern that often hinders genuine connection – codependency.
It’s when you rely heavily on another person for your emotional or psychological well-being.
Codependency might give you a sense of security or importance, but it can also create an unhealthy dynamic in your relationships. It can lead to resentment, loss of self-identity, and an imbalance of power.
Overcoming codependency isn’t easy, but it’s crucial for building stronger relationships. It’s about learning to establish boundaries and finding happiness within yourself.
I’ve delved deeper into this topic in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
But for now, remember: a healthy relationship is one where both parties can stand independently while choosing to stand together.
4) Neglecting self-care
It might seem surprising, but one key behavior to say goodbye to for stronger relationships is neglecting self-care.
It’s easy to think that prioritizing yourself is selfish when you’re trying to build connections with others. But the truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and spa days. It’s about taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It’s about setting boundaries, saying no when necessary, and taking time to recharge.
When you take care of yourself, you’re in a better position to care for others. You’re happier, healthier, and more emotionally available.
As the famed philosopher Audre Lorde once said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
I’ve found this to be true in my own life. When I neglect my own needs, I’m less patient, less understanding, and less present in my relationships.
But when I prioritize self-care, I’m able to show up as my best self for the people I care about.
5) Harboring grudges
We’ve all been hurt or disappointed by others at some point.
It’s part of being human.
But holding onto those grudges is like carrying a heavy weight—it can be exhausting and detrimental to your relationships.
I’ve seen it happen too many times: a grudge grows and festers, creating a wedge between two people. It can even lead to resentment, which is a silent killer of relationships.
In my own life, I’ve learned that forgiveness isn’t just about the other person—it’s about freeing myself from the burden of negativity. It’s about choosing to move forward instead of staying stuck in the past.
Letting go of grudges doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning the wrong done to you. It means making a conscious decision to release the anger and resentment, for your own peace and for the health of your relationships.
6) Avoiding difficult conversations
It’s natural to want to avoid conflict.
Frankly, it’s uncomfortable.
But avoiding difficult conversations can be detrimental to your relationships.
When we sweep things under the rug, we’re not addressing the real issues. That can lead to miscommunication, resentment, and further conflict down the line.
In my experience, open and honest communication—even when it’s hard—is crucial for stronger relationships. It’s about expressing your feelings and needs in a respectful way.
As the renowned author and therapist Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
When we’re clear about our feelings and expectations, we create a safe space for understanding and growth in our relationships.
But remember, it’s a skill that takes practice. And if you’d like some more insights on this topic or others related to relationships, feel free to follow me on Facebook where I share my latest articles and thoughts.
7) Pretending to be someone you’re not
This might be the hardest behavior to let go of, but also the most important.
In our quest for acceptance and love, we sometimes put on masks. We pretend to be someone we’re not, thinking it will make us more likable or avoid conflict.
But here’s the raw truth: pretending is exhausting. It’s a constant performance that keeps you from being authentic and genuine. And in the long run, it can create a disconnect in your relationships.
People can usually sense when you’re not being real with them. And even if they don’t, you know it—and it can lead to feelings of isolation and dissatisfaction.
So drop the act. Embrace who you are, quirks and all.
It might be scary to show your true self, but it’s the only way to build genuine connections and stronger relationships.
A deeper dive
The journey towards stronger relationships is deeply personal and complex. It’s about acknowledging our flaws, breaking away from destructive patterns, and embracing a journey of self-growth.
Every piece of advice shared here is from years of observing relationships, understanding human behavior, and learning from my own experiences.
But remember, these are just stepping stones on your path to stronger relationships. The real work lies in applying them to your life, reflecting on your behaviors, and making conscious changes.
As we wrap up this discussion, I’d like to share something more with you. A video by Justin Brown that I believe perfectly complements our topic today. Justin has a knack for diving deep into human behavior, relationships and the self-growth journey in a relatable manner.
In this video, he explains the problem with using the law of attraction to try to find the perfect partner. He challenges the common belief that finding the “perfect partner” is key to a fulfilling relationship.
Instead, he emphasizes that relationships are about commitment, embracing challenges, and growing together.
It’s an insightful watch and I highly recommend it as it echoes what we’ve been discussing here—saying goodbye to behaviors that hold us back from building stronger relationships.
The journey towards stronger relationships begins with you. You have the power to change your behaviors and foster deeper connections. And sometimes, all it takes is saying goodbye to old habits to welcome new beginnings.
