It’s a tough realization when you notice a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable men.
You’re left wondering, “Is it me?”
Well, it’s not just you.
Many women find themselves in this cycle.
But understanding the reasons behind it can give you the power to break free.
In this article, I’ll explore eight common reasons why you always seem to attract emotionally unavailable men.
1) You’re attracting what you think you deserve
Sometimes we attract people who mirror our own internal beliefs about ourselves.
If deep down you feel unworthy or believe you don’t deserve a loving and emotionally available partner, guess what?
You’ll likely attract just that – emotionally unavailable men.
It’s a subconscious cycle that can be challenging to break, but it’s not impossible.
Recognizing this pattern is the first step.
Next, it’s time to work on building your self-esteem and challenging these negative beliefs about yourself.
You’re deserving of love and emotional connection.
The more you believe this, the more likely you are to attract a partner who believes this too.
2) You’re trying to fix them
I remember dating a guy who was emotionally distant.
He wouldn’t open up about his feelings, and it felt like he was always holding back.
At the time, I felt like it was my mission to ‘fix’ him.
I thought if I could just get him to open up, everything would be okay.
But here’s the thing – you can’t fix someone else.
It’s not your job to heal their emotional wounds.
That’s a journey they need to embark on themselves.
Trying to ‘fix’ someone else often stems from our own insecurities and need for validation.
It took me a while to realize this, but once I did, my perspective on relationships changed drastically.
Instead of trying to change someone else, focus on your own growth and emotional availability.
When you do this, you’re more likely to attract someone who is also emotionally available.
3) You’re mistaking intensity for intimacy
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s easy to confuse intensity for intimacy.
The exhilarating rush of new love, the passionate encounters – they can all feel like signs of a deep emotional connection.
But here’s something worth noting: relationships built on intense, passionate beginnings often burn out quickly.
Why?
Because they’re not based on genuine emotional availability and connection, but rather on the excitement of the ‘new’.
It’s easy to fall into this trap, especially if you’re someone who craves deep emotional connection.
The key is to differentiate between intensity and true intimacy.
4) You believe love should be a struggle
Let’s face it – we’ve all been fed the narrative that true love is supposed to be hard.
The ups and downs, the dramatic fights followed by passionate reconciliations – they all make for great storylines in movies and novels.
But here’s the reality – love shouldn’t always be a struggle.
Yes, every relationship has its challenges, but if it feels like you’re constantly battling to connect on an emotional level, something’s not right.
If you find yourself continuously attracted to emotionally unavailable men, it might be time to reevaluate your beliefs about love.
Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect, open communication, and emotional availability.
5) You’re scared of vulnerability
Opening up emotionally can be terrifying.
It involves showing your true self, complete with all your insecurities, fears, and past mistakes.
It’s no wonder that so many of us shy away from it.
Often, attracting emotionally unavailable men is a way of protecting ourselves from the vulnerability that comes with a truly intimate relationship.
It’s a safety mechanism – if they can’t open up, then we don’t have to either.
But deep down, we all crave connection.
We all long to be seen and accepted for who we really are – flaws and all.
Embracing vulnerability is no easy task, but it’s a crucial step towards attracting partners who are emotionally available.
It’s about taking down the walls around your heart and allowing yourself to be seen.
6) You’re not setting clear boundaries
Looking back, I realize I had a habit of bending over backwards for the men I dated, often at the cost of my own emotional wellbeing.
Whether it was adjusting my schedule to fit theirs or suppressing my feelings to avoid conflict, I was constantly compromising.
This lack of boundaries can attract emotionally unavailable men.
Why?
Because they’re often not willing or able to meet your emotional needs, and without clear boundaries, it’s easy for them to take advantage.
Setting boundaries isn’t about being rigid or demanding.
It’s about clearly communicating your needs and expectations in a relationship.
And it’s a two-way street – respecting your partner’s boundaries is just as important.
Learning to set clear boundaries was a game-changer for me.
It made me realize my worth and helped me attract more emotionally available partners.
7) You’re ignoring red flags
We’ve all been there – choosing to overlook certain behaviors or traits in the hope that things will change or get better with time.
But these red flags are often indicators of someone’s emotional availability.
If a man is consistently dismissive of your feelings, avoids deep conversations, or keeps you at arm’s length, these are likely signs of emotional unavailability.
Ignoring these red flags won’t make them disappear.
Instead, it might lead you down a path of emotional disconnect and dissatisfaction.
Pay attention to these signs early on.
It could save you from investing time and emotions in a relationship that won’t meet your needs.
8) You haven’t healed from past relationships
Unresolved issues from past relationships can often lead us to attract emotionally unavailable men.
The pain, disappointment, or betrayal we’ve experienced can subconsciously influence our choice of partners.
Healing is a crucial part of breaking this cycle.
It involves acknowledging the past, understanding how it’s impacting your present, and making conscious efforts to move forward.
Remember, it’s okay to seek professional help in this journey of healing.
Therapists and counselors are trained to help you navigate through these complex emotions.
Healing takes time and patience, but it’s worth it.
Because when you’re healed, you’re more likely to attract partners who are emotionally available and ready for a healthy relationship.
It begins with self-love
The journey to attracting emotionally available partners starts with cultivating self-love and respect.
Self-love means acknowledging your worth and refusing to settle for less than you deserve.
It’s about setting boundaries, healing from past wounds, and recognizing that love doesn’t need to be a constant struggle.
When you love yourself, you attract love in its truest form – one that is emotionally available, respectful, and nurturing.
It’s okay to want more from a relationship.
It’s okay to desire emotional connection and openness.
So take a moment to reflect – where can you cultivate more self-love in your life?
How can you break these patterns that lead you towards emotionally unavailable men?
It’s a journey, but one worth embarking on.
