There’s a fine line between cherishing the good memories and being trapped in the past.
It’s natural to think about an ex from time to time, but when those thoughts linger or influence how someone shows up in a new relationship, it’s a red flag.
Moving on is messy, and sometimes people convince themselves they’re over it when their actions say otherwise.
Psychology sheds light on the behaviors that reveal whether someone has truly let go of their ex—or if they’re still holding on.
In this article, we’ll dive into eight tell-tale signs that your man might not be over his past relationship.
If you’ve ever had a gut feeling that something’s off, keep reading—you might just find the clarity you need.
1) He often talks about her
The human mind works in curious ways.
As per psychology, we tend to talk about things that occupy our thoughts.
So if your man frequently brings up his ex in conversations, it could be a clear sign that she is still on his mind.
Now, I’m not talking about the occasional mention. That’s normal.
But if he’s consistently talking about her – the good times, the bad times, or just random anecdotes – it may indicate that he’s not entirely over her.
2) He compares you to her
I remember dating a guy who seemed perfect in every way.
He was attentive, caring and we shared many common interests.
But there was one thing that kept nagging at me.
Every now and then, he’d make comparisons between me and his ex.
At first, I brushed it off. But as time went on, it became clear – she was still very much a part of his life.
Whether it was how she cooked pasta or the way she laughed at his jokes, he seemed to have her on a pedestal.
According to psychology, this behaviour is another red flag that he might not be over his ex. Comparison is a subconscious way of keeping past relationships alive in their mind.
So if your partner often compares you to his ex, it’s worth having an open conversation about it. It’s important for both of you to focus on building your unique bond, rather than living in the shadow of a past relationship.
3) He’s still in regular contact with her
Communication is the heart of any relationship.
It’s how we understand each other, express our feelings, and build a bond.
But when it comes to exes, constant communication can be a sign of unresolved feelings.
Research shows that staying friends with an ex is often motivated by reasons such as sentimentality or unresolved romantic desires.
Generally, partners who are over their ex tend to cut off regular contact or limit it to a minimal, respectful level.
So if your man is frequently texting, calling or meeting his ex, it might mean that he’s not entirely over her.
4) He gets defensive when she’s mentioned
Emotions are tricky.
They have a way of surfacing when we least expect them to.
And when it comes to exes, these emotions can be quite revealing.
If your man gets defensive whenever his ex is mentioned, it could signify that he still has unresolved feelings for her. His defensiveness might be an attempt to hide those feelings, not just from you, but also from himself.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to get back with her. But it does suggest that there are some unresolved issues or feelings that he needs to address.
5) His mood changes when her name comes up
Love and heartbreak are two sides of the same coin.
Both have the power to affect our emotions deeply, even long after the relationship is over.
If your man’s mood noticeably shifts whenever his ex’s name is mentioned – be it a sudden silence, a change in his expression, or an unexplained sadness – it might suggest that he’s not entirely over her.
These emotional reactions can be involuntary, a reflex response to a name that once meant so much.
It doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to rekindle the old flame, but it does indicate that there are lingering feelings he might not have fully dealt with.
6) He keeps mementos from their relationship
A few years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who seemed to have moved on from his past.
But one day, I stumbled upon a box tucked away in his closet. It was filled with mementos from his previous relationship – photos, letters, even a small trinket she had given him.
Keeping mementos isn’t inherently bad. After all, our past shapes us.
But if your man is holding on to old keepsakes and they seem to hold significant emotional value for him, it could be an indication that he’s not entirely over his ex.
7) He hasn’t changed his routines since their relationship
Habits can be hard to break, especially those formed during a significant relationship.
If your man is sticking to routines that he formed while he was with his ex, this could be a sign that he hasn’t fully moved on.
For instance, if he still visits the same coffee shop they used to go together, or if he maintains traditions they started as a couple, these could be subconscious ways of holding on to the past.
It’s not about forcing him to change his routines. It’s about understanding the emotional significance behind them and ensuring they don’t interfere with your current relationship.
A healthy conversation about these habits can help both of you understand each other better and build a stronger relationship.
8) He hasn’t fully accepted the breakup
There’s a big difference between intellectually knowing a relationship has ended and truly coming to terms with it on an emotional level.
If your man frequently brings up his past relationship as though it’s still a significant part of his life or expresses disbelief that it’s really over, it’s a clear sign he hasn’t fully accepted the breakup.
He might cling to the “what ifs” or replay scenarios in his mind, keeping one foot stuck in the past.
This lack of acceptance doesn’t just affect him—it can create a barrier in your relationship, preventing him from fully investing in the present and committing to building something meaningful with you.
Without that emotional closure, it’s hard for him to show up wholeheartedly in the here and now.
It’s about understanding
The complexities of human emotions can often be linked to our psychological processes.
One such link exists between unresolved feelings for an ex and the behaviours it manifests.
These behaviours, however subtle, can provide significant insights into whether a person is truly over their past relationship. Understanding them can help navigate the intricate labyrinth of human emotions and relationships.
But remember, it’s not about accusations or assumptions. It’s about understanding each other better, fostering open communication, and nurturing your relationship.
Whether it’s noticing a sudden change in mood when her name is mentioned, or discovering old keepsakes from their past relationship, these are opportunities for deeper understanding and bonding.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that healing takes time and everyone moves at their own pace. Patience, empathy, and open conversations can go a long way in helping both of you move forward together.