I had an affair with my boss who was 18 years older and 3 inches shorter (5'4" – but Drivers License said 5'8" NOT!). I was married (still same person) and he was married but transferred out of state to my workplace to be "the boss" leaving his 2nd wife, her teenage children, and a mother with Lou Gehrig's (ALS) disease – because he wanted a "challenge" (red flag). His wife "was to" move to be with him, but never did (red flag). I used to work late & visit with him because he worked late too. We became friends and went out to dinner with him a number of times. At this time, my husband was neglecting me. I don't think he had a clue of what was going on. The "boss" was lonely and I was lonely. Boss complained a lot of not getting along w/wife because of her "teens" then say how he was "close to step-daughter" (red flag). During a company picnic a "female friend" showed up with him, where he swore her off as "there coincidently" (red flag). I thought I could maintain "just friends status" but sure enough, he seduced me and I was shocked that I went with it. Afterward, I told him I didn't want to "do it again" – but he begged me, saying he's going crazy w/o sex (red flag). Me, foolishly, worked late, another after work dinner/drinks, ended up in bed again. I have to say, the sex was great. First time I got an organism (surprise!) I thought, I could keep it "just sex". I was "still" seeing him flirt with other females at work, and truthfully I really wasn't jealous – just "embarrassed" of his behavior (red flag). I thought I had control of the "just sex" deal. Relationship with husband was status quo. We had sex – although no fireworks as with the boss. Then I got a STD. Humpf! (red flag) I was able to beg off the STD as a yeast infection for my clueless husband to take the med's as I had to also. I never told the boss about the STD. My relationship w/husband was shakey on our own. He wanted to hang w/"blue collar-beer buddies" while I was hanging with the "white collar crowd". Huband moved out for awhile. Once, the boss rode his bike (Mr. Athlete – where a "date" was watching him play) to my house & found my husband's truck in driveway. He was smart enough not to stop. Later, he told me about it and I said "it wasn't his business". Boss was starting to show jealousy (red flag). Boss finally quit & went back "home" where his mother was dying (duh!) and "claimed" to be separted from wife #2 (red flag). Husband also quit job & left (me) for our hometown. I needed a place to live & moved into Boss's house. I paid rent & kept place up while house on the market. Boss was always coming back to workplace & "check on house" but stayed w/me & used my car! (red flag) Once, my birthday, he showed up w/a lawn recliner & used it, then said it was my bd gift. Lovely (red flag). This back & forth was going on for months, Boss would call me once a week at work, I had to carry the obvious affair gossip at work. I missed the Boss instead of missing the husband, my family was pressuring me to move back to husband. I knew my job was going to be phased out. I knew in my heart the boss was sleeping w/"separated" wife (red flag). I finally called the wife (waking her) & caught him in bed w/her (as she passed phone to him). I broke it off with him then & there & moved out of his house to my co-worker/friend's place. My mind was so fouled up I knew I had to "go back home" even though my heart wasn't in it. I asked the Boss if I could leave my belongings at his house until I could hire movers. It was OK w/boss & arranged a co-worker to move into his house after my belongings were moved out later with his OK. I gave my 2 week notice at work, arranged a trip home to prep for the move back home & reunite w/husband. Shortly before I was to fly back home, I had a fender-bender & my car was in the body shop. Boss came into town (staying at his house with my furniture still there), called me at my co-workers place, asking me to "come to him – to talk", I told him "come & get me" reasoning my car was in the shop. He wouldn't come because he didn't want the co-worker to see him, then asked if there were "enough blankets" at his house for the night. (final red flag). He showed up at work, insisted to take me to the airport. I tried hard to get a ride from someone else, but ended up being the Boss. He took me to the airport, me feeling totally numb, he complaining how I should've came to him last night because he was "cold". He finally told me he loved me this "–" much, and "that was something because he doesn't "love" easy." Then he walked me to the baggage handler, half hugged me, and walked away. The End. Since then, I've heard he's had a series of live-in girl friends and married/divorced a third time. I saw his narcissism from the start. Yes, I loved him – still do, but I used my BRAIN and didn't let my heart control me. There is BAD LOVE and there is GOOD LOVE. Some people can only give BAD LOVE.
Break-Up Phase: (what's this?)